11 Months Old

Last week Little Man turned 11 months old.   In just 4 weeks, he'll turn ONE.  I can hardly believe it.  Time flies by SO quickly.

Here's my cutie pie with his Tigger on July 14th.



I haven't been updating this blog again because of many factors but mostly because I've been tired and have spent most of my internet time goofing off on Facebook or The Bump. It's mindless, most of the time, and keeps me somewhat sane. I feel that I can connect with other adults without having to go out.  And after writing that, I must sound anti-social, right? I'm not.  But I'm just so tired that mustering up the energy to GO somewhere is difficult.

The weekend of July 9-12, Dude, Little Man and I went away.  One day in Maryland so I could see some 'net friends and attend Nora Robert's book signing at Turn the Page Books in Boonsboro. The other two in Virginia to see Dude's best friend.  We made these plans months ago and expected to spend the day with his friend but it was his girlfriend's sister's birthday and we only saw them for brunch.  I'm a bit sad about that, but at least Dude was able to see him for a little while.  Here's a photo of Dude and I with Little Man in Reston, VA.



The Friday after we got back from our getaway, Little Man had surgery to repair the Hydrocele he was born with.  Dude and I were a bit worried about the anesthesia, but he did pretty well.  He managed without food for a LONG time and, overall, handled the post op without much fuss.  The worst part was when he woke up. He was STARVING and upset and the crying caused him to choke on his bottle.  But once I got him settled, he finished off an 8 oz bottle.  Don't keep Little Man away from his food.

The next few weeks will be busy.  Dude and I are going to help my parents pack up the rooms affected by the remodel of their house.  My parents are both disabled: my dad due to obesity and bad knees and hips and my mom due to Parkinson's.  My brother helps, but his chronic migraines and Fibromyalgia make it difficult for him to manage in this humid heat. Hopefully my best friend will help take care of Little Man, who gets into everything. I can't work without some assistance. And I need to pack up things in my old bedroom so we can throw it in the dumpster—including old furniture and an old television that nobody will take.

I'll try to return more frequently to this blog. Though it's not like I'm a high traffic site.   Next up, I'll update about Little Man's torticollis. I need to gather my thoughts first.

Blogger's Block

I guess that's what I've been going through. It's like I WANT to blog about a lot of things but cannot gather my thoughts. I guess that's part of motherhood, right?  Losing the ability to focus?  Mom brain.  At least when it was pregnancy brain, I had the excess blood volume and weird symptoms to blame.  Now I only have exhaustion.

So what's been going on with me?  I work. I eat. I sleep. I take care of Little Man. I walk the dog. Occasionally DH and I will cuddle (or more). But mostly I just have been existing. I feel like I've neglected many of my friends—I know I have—and I'm not really in the mood to get together with anyone. It's like I've done nothing but run around for the last 3 years and I need a break. First marriage plans. Family gatherings. Baby stuff. It's as though I never have a moment to veg out.

And the other big news is that Dude and I are going to move in with my parents—who are building a handicapped accessible master suite on the ground floor of their house—to help take care them.  And they, in turn, are helping US by giving us a stable home and less to pay per month so we can A) pay off our debt and B) save for the future.  We'll be paying them monthly for the work that's being done on the house, but the monthly payment will be around $300 less per month than we're currently paying for rent.  Our costs for utilities will probably remain the same, but we'll save on cable and internet. And by buying in bulk for food, we'll also save money.  Plus my car will be paid off in June of 2011... yes, a year away, but something to look forward to.

It's going to be a huge adjustment. And, perhaps, my thoughts have been so preoccupied by all this entails that it has contributed to my lack of focus. But planning this.  And also planning Little Man's 1st birthday party (in 5 weeks!) and dealing with some health issues (will update later on that) has taken a toll on me.

But Dude and I are doing OK. We're taking a weekend away—even though we cannot afford it—to see his best friend in Virginia this weekend. And since my Nora Roberts' message board gathering is nearby (in Maryland), we're also spending a day for me to catch up with some friends. It'll be good for us.  We're taking Little Man, so please pray for us that he sleeps.

Hello

Due to a mix of utter exhaustion and forgetfulness, it's been several weeks since I've updated my blog.  So hello. I'm doing OK.  Still stressed but I seem to be handling it. Unless you count the utter exhaustion. But that's also due to chasing after a crawling dynamo!

Little Man is FAST!  And he's drawn to danger. He goes straight to the carbon monoxide detector in our condo.  At the office, he is fascinated by the envelopes (which I've since moved) and crawling under my desk.  When he does that, he often scrapes his head. I'm NOT a fan of that. Nor am I a fan of his newest talent: temper tantrums.  Who'd have thought a 10-month-old (almost!) would have them already? I thought I had a year before that would start!  So being a mom of an active infant is not easy. It's worth it... but it's a job.

While I've been busy the last couple of weekends, there really isn't anything new going on. I spent the day alone last Saturday when I went to a dear friend's engagement party. I almost canceled because I knew the trip would be too much (in one day) for Little Man but when faced with the reality of how my actions hurt my friend, I went alone—and had a nice time. I'm glad I went because my friend is a wonderful person and I'm so happy for her.  Dude stayed home with Little Man, who apparently refused to nap. So I guess it was a good thing he stayed home, as he got cranky from lack of sleep.  The next day, I mostly crashed. It was a long drive to the party (even though the traffic gods were kind to me) and then this week has just dragged—even though I worked from home on Tuesday afternoon.

I just want to feel rested again.  I don't know if I ever will.  I truly can't imagine having more than one child and running after two or more.  For my mom friends who DO have more than one, you are superheroes to me.  I'm actually quite content with my choice to have just one.  He's wonderful but he's enough.

Stress vs. Depression

Earlier this month, during the "great messageboard debacle of 2010," I was 'accused' of being severely depressed because I mentioned feeling unable to handle taking care of my son alone. Sometimes one is not really able to express oneself and words can be misconstrued.  I can take care of Little Man without help, but it's not easy and I'm glad I have Dude to co-parent.  I'm not depressed—I've suffered from depression and know the difference—but I AM feeling overwhelmed by stress.

Neither Dude nor I have high paying jobs.  In fact, Dude took a pay cut (mandatory unpaid furlough days) the week after Little Man was born. It's 10% of his salary and the loss of income has hurt us badly. My job has been low paying but as it's a family business, I have extremely flexible hours and can bring Little Man with me to the office.  Since our bills consume most, if not all, of our monthly take home income, it's a necessity for me to have my son with me.  Daycare is so expensive and if I had to put him there, we'd just be putting it on a credit card and hoping we'd be able to pay it off one day.  So money woes is causing a LOT of stress.

In addition to those issues, I'm not certain my father will be able to keep the company running beyond this year.  And now I'm thinking: what can I do for a job????  I used to work as a desktop publishing editor for a major publishing company. But when I was laid of in 2002, I sat on my ass and let my career slip away. Thank goodness my parents actually needed me and I've been there for nearly 8 years. But, in retrospect, that was a mistake and I'm not sure where I can find work when I need to.  And Dude is not happy in his job and I'm not sure it's entirely secure.  Job security in this day and as is rare.

Then there are my parents. Their health is ... eh, they're not doing so well.  My father is morbidly obese.  He knows he should lose weight but never does.  He's 67 years old and I'm not sure he even wants to lose weight. But he can't get a knee or hip replacement unless he does and he hobbles around on a cane that can barely support his weight. I'm worried about him but even more worried about my mother.  She was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease last Fall.  She'd been suffering from a rare neurological disorder for years—something called an orthostatic tremor—where only her lower extremities are affected. She cannot stand still without trembling. And then she started to have weakness in her hands and a shake. So she went to a specialist in NYC and was diagnosed with Parkinson's as well. My mom's mother died in January. The business she helped my father build is failing. So she is extremely depressed. She feels like she can't do anything and like a burden.

I have a wonderful brother who would help you out in a pinch. But he's also very dependent upon my parents. He has chronic migraines and Fibromyalgia. So he's in constant pain and has no friendships—it's like whenever he tries, he gets stomped on—and he's given up on people. He's very intelligent and very few people share his interests. As he feels he cannot speak to anyone and share with them, I think he's taken to picking arguments so he can debate and then exercise his intellect. Though he does not do this to prove superiority. He needs the stimulation.  But he's not capable of caring for my parents and a lot of this will fall on me.

So I'm stressed. I'm very stressed. There's more to it, but stress does not equal depression. That being said, stress can cause anxiety and I'm feeling a lot of that.

9 Months Old!

Little Man turned 9 months old on May 14th.  Nine months!  The length of a pregnancy. Longer than my engagement (which was 7 months). He's three quarters of a year old! It's going soooooo fast.  My little man is looking less "babyish" and more "boyish" as every day goes by.  I love watching the changes but it's also bittersweet.  I'm not sure how to explain it. You want your child to become more independent and more "himself" but when you lose that stage of just being little and needing mommy (or daddy) all the time, you miss it. Of course I still have a long time before he won't need me, but he's crawling and trying to stand up. He's becoming a BOY.

An online friend of mine—and I really do consider my mommy messageboard friends to be friends, even if not a close bosom buddy—Peeper has a wonderful blog. I love how she writes and the photos she takes of her darling daughter. (Note to self: if she doesn't read my blog, let her know that!)  And her daughter is a bit older than my son, and she gave a 9 month stats and sort of quiz. So I'm "borrowing" it and will do this monthly thereafter.  Here is Little Man's 9 month stats:

Age: As of this blog, 9 months, 1 week and 2 days.
Weight: 23 lb 6 oz
Height: 29.75 inches
Size (diapers, onesies, etc.): Size 4 diapers and 12-18 month clothing (though they are loose, but the 6-12/9-12 are too tight)
Eyes: They're an interesting mix of green, blue and gray.  Some days they look very green and others they look blueish gray.
Hair: While still mostly peach fuzz, he DOES have hair. It's a dark blonde color.
Sleeping: He's good for his morning nap, usually. Afternoons are another story! As for overnight... better. Most nights he'll sleep through the night. But not always...
Teeth: Four! The two bottom central incisors came around 6 months and, recently, the two upper ones came in.
Milestones: He's a crawling fiend! And clapping, too! (See videos on my prior blog). And he's trying to stand, too.
Words/sounds: He's still just babbling, I think.  His favorite is Dada.  Though he'll say Mama and other "ah" sounds. But his babbles have definite sentence structure. Though probably only another baby would understand what he's saying.
What we are looking forward to: EVERYTHING! lol

I'm going to devote another entry to foods. But I will say that Little Man LOVES Cheerios! We gave them to him for the first time yesterday and he went to town on them! He's liking most foods but is less interested in his bottle. Perhaps that will make it easier for him to be weaned off of formula? I don't know. His pediatrician wants us to give him four 6 oz bottles so his formula intake is 24 oz. But he seems uninterested. And she also wants us to try to transition him (slowly) to using a sippy cup and taking water. Yesterday he took a little, which is a start.

Well, I see Little Man rolling about in his crib (yes, I'm spying on him with the video monitor again) and should probably free him soon. He likes to be on the move!

Crawling and Clapping!

Little Man turned 9 months old on May 14th and the weekend before—on Mother's Day, actually—he started crawling. It started off slow... he'd crawl a bit, stop, then sit and look at me or Dude. But by mid-week he was crawling quickly! Here's a video of him in my office.



Besides crawling, he's started clapping.  He claps and looks around for approval.  If you say "Yay!" he claps some more and laughs! It's very fun.  So far, nine months has been quite fun!  Since I'm sharing videos, here's one of him clapping, taken the same day at my office.



Last week was somewhat hectic for me, so I didn't really update my blog.  But tomorrow, when I have a chance, I'll share some photos from my first Mother's Day.  I'm still somewhat in shock about that—I'm a mom!  I'm not sure when it will fully sink in, but after 9 months it really hasn't yet. I guess I'm still trying to come to grips with the fact that I turned 40 last month.

Trying to Crawl and Pulling Up

Little Man is TRYING but he's not getting anywhere yet.  He crawls backwards quite well, actually.  On his hands and knees, belly off the floor, but try as he may he isn't getting where he wants to go.  Because of that, he's been quite frustrated and he expresses that with sounds of anger. My happy baby is pissed off because his body isn't doing what he wants. I hope he gets there soon, though if he does we're in trouble because our apartment is poorly babyproofed. Dude and I need to get our acts together.

He is also trying to pull up.  He does this on the crib slats and on my legs. He somewhat lifts himself up but not quite.  It's amazing how fast the changes come.  A few weeks ago he wasn't even trying to crawl and then—BAM—it's like something clicked and he knew what to try. Before I know it, he'll be a year old and walking and talking!

As for talking, he's still only babbling. But his babbles are recognizable.  He'll say dada and mama and baba. He also enjoys saying rara and blah and la.   I don't think he'll be speaking as early as I was (9 months) but he seems quite verbal.  Little Man will be 9 months old next week.  He still only has two teeth and while he's definitely teething, nothing is breaking through.

Big changes are coming.  I just know it.