Monday, May 13, 2013

Thoughts on My Family

There are times when I worry about my son's future as an only child. He'll be alone. He won't have a sibling. Even though I planned to just have ONE child, these thoughts go through my mind. But then I think of my own poor relationship with my sibling. And while my husband loves and gets along with his brother, they certainly aren't close. So a sibling doesn't necessarily guarantee a good relationship and friendship into adulthood. But I guess I also worry about the fact that I had Little Man when I was 39... he's going to have elderly parents earlier in life. And no matter how well my husband and I may plan, when we are ill, everything will fall on him. That's assuming Little Man grows up to want us in his life as an adult. But I'll just go on that assumption based upon our relationships with our parents.

Families are complex. While I am pretty close with my aunts and uncles, I don't have much of a relationship with any of my cousins. Only two of the five are actually in touch with me (via Facebook, but they're in touch). And they both live far away so we couldn't actually get together anyway. Two are pleasant to me, but it's obvious we'll never reconnect. One considers me to dead to him for nothing I actually did. C'est la vie. I know I have done nothing wrong and my circumstances are what they are. But that has affected things and it's too bad. I am almost like an orphan, because nobody in my family has me over for holidays because of past actions made by someone else--but I get blamed, I guess.  My husband's family embraced me, but for some reason we just don't manage to connect any longer. A lot of it has to do with geography. It is what it is. But at least I know they have my back. At least I hope they do.

There are days when I feel lost. With my parents' health issues, they really aren't any support to me emotionally. My one aunt tries, but her life is so busy that she barely has time for herself and her two children. So I have nobody from "my side." And while I know my husband's family is there for me, it isn't quite the same.

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