I'm not going to lie or go into the gory details, but yesterday SUCKED. My son didn't sleep, didn't eat, and I was so stressed that I felt insane. I tried pumping and I hated it and we ended up giving the baby formula—though not enough. He was STARVING. It broke my heart and both myself and my husband are exhausted today.
The baby has some minor health issues that should resolve themselves on their own. He's slightly jaundiced (need a 2nd bilirubin test tomorrow) and has hydroseal on his scrotum (water filled). If the latter doesn't get better on its own, he'll need to see a pediatric urologist.
But we went to the pediatrician today. It's a practice of 5 doctors and the one we saw was fantastic. She cared about both Aaron and me. And after seeing the pediatrician today, I've made a HUGE decision.
I'm not going to breastfeed.
While it's true that I'm not giving it a chance. I HATE pumping and after thinking long and hard about this, I don't want to be tied to a machine every 2 hours for weeks and pay all this money for lactation consultants and feel so stressed that my son feels stressed. So I'm going to be a proud formula feeder and let my milk dry up.
I was formula fed and turned out OK. I have several friends who went this route (and several who breastfed) and for my own mental sanity and health, I've made this choice.
Some women may judge me. But my friends won't.
Now to figure out how to survive engorgement/and shutting down milk production. But I feel better about that and that I'll be able to heal.