Monday, August 17, 2009

Days 1 & 2 Home with my Son

I'm not going to lie or go into the gory details, but yesterday SUCKED. My son didn't sleep, didn't eat, and I was so stressed that I felt insane. I tried pumping and I hated it and we ended up giving the baby formula—though not enough. He was STARVING. It broke my heart and both myself and my husband are exhausted today.

The baby has some minor health issues that should resolve themselves on their own. He's slightly jaundiced (need a 2nd bilirubin test tomorrow) and has hydroseal on his scrotum (water filled). If the latter doesn't get better on its own, he'll need to see a pediatric urologist.

But we went to the pediatrician today. It's a practice of 5 doctors and the one we saw was fantastic. She cared about both Aaron and me. And after seeing the pediatrician today, I've made a HUGE decision.

I'm not going to breastfeed.

While it's true that I'm not giving it a chance. I HATE pumping and after thinking long and hard about this, I don't want to be tied to a machine every 2 hours for weeks and pay all this money for lactation consultants and feel so stressed that my son feels stressed. So I'm going to be a proud formula feeder and let my milk dry up.

I was formula fed and turned out OK. I have several friends who went this route (and several who breastfed) and for my own mental sanity and health, I've made this choice.

Some women may judge me. But my friends won't.

Now to figure out how to survive engorgement/and shutting down milk production. But I feel better about that and that I'll be able to heal.


  1. Sounds like you've made the right decision for you and your health, and in the long run, it will be the best for your son. (HEE! Your son! *giggle*)

    You're right. As your friend, I would NEVER judge any choice you made for your family. Love ya, babe!

  2. You have to do what's best for you and your son... Most of our generation grew up on formula. And really there's no basic difference between your lil guy and my two - who had 6mos or so of nursing.
    I say basic difference as I of course think mine are CUTER! (VBG) But really they are 10 and 12 so the difference is AGE. But I suspect that if you were to compare... the boys at the same ages - NO differences.
    It's MUCH better for all three of you to be less stressed! Hang in there hun. The first weeks are a little hard... so many changes. But you're doing great!

  3. You certainly won't see me judging you. I only lasted 3 1/2 weeks, and I had to quit for my own sanity. No matter how you feed him, I'm sure he'll grow up healthy and handsome. :)

  4. THANK YOU!!! I am feeling better about my decision (and I'll admit that I didn't give it a chance) since I need to rest and heal too.

    Now how to deal with my one SIL and if the lactation consultant I called does call me back, how to say I changed my mind.

  5. I lasted 2 weeks before going to formula. I was SO stressed out by it and constantly questioning the decision to breastfeed.. Once I switched to formula Emma and I were both happier.

    You had a rough delivery, so you need to recover in order to care for your son and not stress out constantly. It's a huge adjustment.

    I've figured this out, Robyn, and this is the best piece of advice I can give you. Do what works for you and your son. Forget what you "should" do and do what works. You won't hurt your son in any way (obviously) and it'll be much more peaceful.

    The first two days at home are the roughest. The first night home, Emma didn't sleep at all, she screamed. It was awful.

    It will get better. It just takes time.

    Just tell your SIL that it was your decision.. It's not HER son, he's YOURS. And explain it the way you explained it here to the lactation consultant. I had to explain it to her too and I felt super guilty.

  6. Robyn, you have to do what is right for you, Aaron and Jonathan. And at least with formula, Jonathan can share some middle of the night feedings (smiles) Anyone who would judge you better sweep around their own door first. Breast feeding isn't for everyone. And even though your mother gave you formula, the formulas today are even better. So concentrate on getting well, getting to know your son, and anyone who doesn't like it can go pound sand.