Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Balance

Lately I've been trying to find the balance. How to be me. How to be a wife. How to be a mother. How to be a daughter with disabled, Senior parents (who aren't even 70 yet). It's not easy and I haven't really found it.

Here is my nighttime routine in short:

  1. Get Little Man upstairs
  2. Sit him on the potty and cheer if he pees!
  3. Get him in his overnight diaper and pajamas
  4. Brush his teeth
  5. Give kisses and pass him off to daddy
  6. Go downstairs to my parents' suite
  7. Help my mom go to the bathroom
  8. Help my mom into her adult diaper 
  9. Help my mom out of her clothes/into her nightgown
  10. Kiss her goodnight 
  11. Go upstairs to sit with my husband and job hunt*

*Note: I am currently unemployed and seeking full time employment. It has been a rough month or so and hopefully I will find something before unemployment insurance runs out this Winter.

So finding the balance between caring for everyone and digging myself out of a financial hole that I dug myself for the most part, is not easy. And when I do get that new job, I'll have to balance full-time daycare drop offs and being a working mother as well as a part-time caregiver (my dad actually does most of it). Add to the mix my sibling living here and not contributing and adding to emotional turmoil... well, I don't know how long we'll last and then my mother will suffer.

It's hard being in the generation I am in and being an "older" mother. My situation is a big part of why we chose to be "one and done" because if I had two, I think I'd be having a breakdown. I just cannot split my attention any further. It is not an easy road ahead of me... I just hope I have the energy to get myself where I should be and our family in a better place.


  1. let me start off by saying, if you half as good of a mother as you were/are a true friend...then you are better than most people. Finding balance is something that most people struggle with. For many years I was working full time (2nd shift 3-11 or 4-12) so I didn't have to put my kids in day care. Plus being a mom to 4 and wife.

    The things that I learned to find balance for me was to #1 -- routine
    #2 -- do things for YOU (go out with the girls, get your hair/nails done etc)

    Now I am the mom to 2 adult children --- 1 who's almost 22 and can't decide if she wants to live at home, or with friends (she's been back and forth) and the other who is away at his first year of college. Then I have the 2 who are still in school -- 15yo in 10th and 12yo in 7th.

    Hang in there...you will find your balance.


  2. you are truly an AMAZING person. so giving, so thoughtful, so helpful. your boy, your parents and husband are SO lucky to have you.

  3. Thanks, ladies. I really appreciate it. And I'm often feeling like I'm failing myself because I am just so tired... often more than I was when A was a newborn. It's the stress. I hope that once I am gainfully employed, I can make positive changes in my life.