Feed Me, Seymour...

I have a big confession.

I feed my son.

I am weak and haven't just said to him "if you don't feed yourself you just won't eat."

Why??????

Part of it is that I don't want to deal with the crying and whining and whatever tantrum he may throw. And part of it is that I don't want him to be hungry—which is ridiculous because he is in the 84th percentile for weight and is fine. I know I have to bite the bullet here. He is potentially the only three-year-old I know of who does not regularly feed himself. And he CAN! He just WON'T.

Sigh.

And there has been a poop backtrack with potty training. He flat out refuses to poop in the potty and prefers a diaper or pull-up.  Pee backtrack too, but he is more amenable to peeing than pooping. I guess it's more scary to poop in the potty. I'm not rushing things... even though he is 37 months...  not rushing them yet. But I guess eventually I'll have to press the issue.

I just want him to be more able to do for himself.  I am hoping I'll find a new job before unemployment runs out (I'd better) and he'll be in daycare full-time and they won't do for him like I do and he just SHOULD be able to now.

No more, Audrey 2. No more.

The POTTY

My son will be 37 months next week, and I usually do not think in terms of months now, but it's relevant to this topic, and he is NOT potty trained.  There, I said it. My 3-year-old son wears size 6 Huggies Little Movers and Overnites. He will pee on the potty if I put him there, but he has only told me and my husband twice that he has to go BEFORE he actually goes. As for poop... well he definitely knows he has to go, but he refuses to go in the toilet and insists for his diaper.

I know you cannot force this, but I am getting a bit anxious. I am currently unemployed and, therefore, have the time to potty train him. But if he isn't really "into" it, how do you do that? And when I DO get a job (had a promising interview yesterday for a temp to perm position), will those changes—going to daycare full time for the first time ever, me being gone before he wakes in the morning—ruin the small potty progress we've had so far?

At least he gets excited to have a new sticker on the potty chart I created for him, right?

Slow and steady...  he'll pee pee (and poop) when he's ready.

The Balance

Lately I've been trying to find the balance. How to be me. How to be a wife. How to be a mother. How to be a daughter with disabled, Senior parents (who aren't even 70 yet). It's not easy and I haven't really found it.

Here is my nighttime routine in short:

1. Get Little Man upstairs
2. Sit him on the potty and cheer if he pees!
3. Get him in his overnight diaper and pajamas
4. Brush his teeth
5. Give kisses and pass him off to daddy
6. Go downstairs to my parents' suite
7. Help my mom go to the bathroom
8. Help my mom into her adult diaper 
9. Help my mom out of her clothes/into her nightgown
10. Kiss her goodnight 
11. Go upstairs to sit with my husband and job hunt*

*Note: I am currently unemployed and seeking full time employment. It has been a rough month or so and hopefully I will find something before unemployment insurance runs out this Winter.

So finding the balance between caring for everyone and digging myself out of a financial hole that I dug myself for the most part, is not easy. And when I do get that new job, I'll have to balance full-time daycare drop offs and being a working mother as well as a part-time caregiver (my dad actually does most of it). Add to the mix my sibling living here and not contributing and adding to emotional turmoil... well, I don't know how long we'll last and then my mother will suffer.

It's hard being in the generation I am in and being an "older" mother. My situation is a big part of why we chose to be "one and done" because if I had two, I think I'd be having a breakdown. I just cannot split my attention any further. It is not an easy road ahead of me... I just hope I have the energy to get myself where I should be and our family in a better place.

Stat-a-palooza!

So as I wrote earlier in the week, Little Man is 3 and today was his well  child visit so I have stats to share. I think my husband is a bit disappointed by his height (he isn't as tall as we'd expected) but overall we're thrilled by how well he's grown.

HEIGHT: 38 inches (65th percentile)
WEIGHT: 35.8 pounds (84th percentile)

He is such a sweet kid.  He totally amazed his pediatrician for correctly identifying an otoscope (thanks to Doc McStuffins!) and the fact that he is talking up a storm at 3 makes me feel that the year in Early Intervention was the best thing ever!  He went from no sentences at age 2, to 9 words or more on average at age 3.

My sweet, sunshine boy is just a blessing.

I'm glad that the one child I have is so remarkable. I think I made the right choice to stop at one.

THREE!!!!!

Yes, once again I have sadly neglected this blog. Only two posts in 3 months... I promise I will update this week as a LOT has been happening in my life.  However, the main thing I am going to share today is...

LITTLE MAN TURNS THREE TODAY!!!!!!

I can hardly believe how much time flies!  I blogged HERE about his birth back in 2009. I can't believe my 9 lb baby is now a 37 lb boy. He is so big. He is talking up a storm! (And last year I was panicking about all sorts of things.) He is a super sweet boy who sleeps in a BIG BOY BED and has given up naps about 95% of the time. He loves his mommy and daddy and his dog, Casey.  I have such a sweet, special boy.  Everyone who meets him, loves him. He is just that engaging. 

He doesn't go for his well visit until Friday, so I don't have any stats yet, but I can share his likes.

• Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
• Little Einsteins
• Doc McStuffins
• Jake & the Neverland Pirates
• Octonauts 
• Toy Story (1-3)

So, basically, anything DISNEY!  He does watch far too much TV.  And he LOVES animals! We had his 3rd birthday party this past Saturday at the Turtleback Zoo in West Orange, NJ. It's a great zoo and he had a fantastic time!

Here is the collage the Picture People created during his 3 year photo shoot a few weeks ago. (I bought the rights to the CD, so I'm sharing "legally". He is such a ham!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Little Man!!!!!

Yeah... well... huh...

So I haven't written since May 22nd. Wow. It's been a LONG time, huh?  Yeah, well, I've been BUSY. Lots going on with me and tonight I'll keep it brief because Little Man has been in the midst of some sort of sleep regression/fear/phobia deal. He won't fall asleep unless myself or my husband sits in his room with him. He'll get up and SCREAM "Mama! Dada! Mama! Dada! MAMA!DADA!" until one of us comes back. This started about 2 weeks ago.

So for the updates since the end of May.

• My nephew H turned 9.
• My Dad had his hip replaced on June 18th and has been in a rehab facility since the 22nd
• My nephew M turned 7
• Our 4th anniversary was June 22 and we actually had a date night, thanks to my BFF, and saw the Pixar movie Brave.
• Little Man stopped napping (last week of June) even though he still NEEDS a nap
• Sleep has been royally fucked up for us all
• BOTH of my parents are coming home on July 13th.

So big changes are ahead for my family.  I am anxious about this, even though I am glad my mom will be home because I know she has been extremely lonely in the nursing home. But so much of this falls on me. I already am caring for an energetic preschooler, working part-time for my family business, job hunting, keeping up with the house and caring for an elderly dog... I barely have time for myself or my husband. So add my parents to the mix without any help... it's a rough thing.

I hope Little Man starts sleeping again. We'll be doing the switch to the Big Boy Bed in the next week or so, so I figure I'll have more sleepless nights ahead of me. But he surprised me with the pacifier, so you never know.   And then he turns THREE in August. Wow.

So that's the update.  I keep saying I'll keep up here and I never do. I guess I should keep my word.

I'll try. I promise.

The "Me Me Fairy" and other updates

I have been extremely lax in my blog again. It seems like this happens more often than I'd like. And I don't think the last six weeks were THAT exciting, really. Well expect for a 10 hour trip to the ER with my husband who was diagnosed with bacterial pneumonia.  Poor Dude was really sick for a while there. That was on May 1st. But I guess I'll update with the biggest news first and then backtrack and catch up.

THE "ME ME" (aka Pacifier) FAIRY CAME!

I don't know if I've really posted about Little Man's obsession with his Nuk pacifier. He was so attached to them that he named them after himself—me-mes—and he would sleep with one in his mouth and one in each hand. I slowly weaned the amount of pacifiers in his crib down to 2 and then to 1. The week before we decided to kibosh the pacifier, I told him that the Me Me Fairy was going to come and take his me-mes to a new baby (in China, because that's far away from NJ) and she would leave him a special present to comfort him. He was excited about the fairy coming but really didn't "get" the reason why. On Saturday night, May 19th, I hid all his pacifiers (haven't tossed them yet) and left a plush Dumbo in his crib.

He saw the Dumbo immediately when he went into his room (before bath time) and got all excited. After the bath, we told him that the Dumbo was from the Me Me Fairy and that he would have no more me-mes. He seemed to understand and actually lied down without much fuss. He tossed and turned a bit, but slept through the night! The next morning, I (or the fairy) gave him a Captain Hook toy as a second gift for making it through the night.

It's been 3 nights and so far, so good. I think I'm very lucky to have an easygoing child (overall, despite the ups and downs he's been more easygoing than not) and I am THRILLED the transition went so smoothly. Hopefully the switch to his Big Boy Bed (which is set up in his room) will go well later this Summer.

Strangely, I'm feeling a bit melancholy about this. I know it's for the best and I forced the change, but the pacifier being gone is yet another step out of babyhood. And with an only child, I tend to notice these things as they will never happen again for me.

OTHER UPDATES

April —

• I had my birthday on Passover and the hubby got me a new lens for my Nikon, which I have yet to use. But I also am untrained in DSLR and need to learn how to use my camera.
• Little Man's BIG BOY BED arrived from Pottery Barn Kids (Catalina Cottage Bed). We put it together but he refused flat out to sleep on it. He wouldn't even sit on the bed at first. So we have a tight fit in his room for a bit and will make the change later.
• Little Man had double ear infections again when we had no health insurance (for just one month). Figures. Dealing with bills due to that.

May —

• May 1st: I get a call from Dude and didn't realize it WAS Dude (weird phone number) that he was going to the hospital and felt weird. Rushed Little Man to Dude's sister's house (where he stayed overnight) and went to the ER. Thought it was a kidney stone but the pain was from pneumonia. Dude stayed home for 5 days to recuperate—he is doing well now, 3 weeks later.
• May 6th: My BFF and I had a lovely afternoon tea to celebrate her birthday.
• Mother's Day: was nice. A breakfast buffet at Maggiano's (which was not as good as I'd hoped, but OK) and then time with my mom. Then naps (for me and Little Man) and burgers.
• The Avengers! We actually saw a movie this past Saturday. It was awesome.

I guess that's it. At least I can't think of anything else right now.  I will try to update the blog more frequently. Part of the reason why I hadn't was because our wireless router wasn't working correctly. But I think Dude fixed it (at least for now) and hopefully I'll be more on top of things.